I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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