I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is my gift to your gina
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
