the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
