Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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