I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
