The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Duck Duck Cougar?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize