Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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