found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sorry about my life...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
