Having a random hookup so left but love u
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
