The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
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I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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