I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
