dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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