thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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