Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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