It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
