I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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