the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I have post one night stand depression
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
