he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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