I looked at my own cervix.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Found your dick twin last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
