I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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