I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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