Christians are straight up FREAKS
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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