Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
