I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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