So drunk its hurt
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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