he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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