I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
