I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
