And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
