I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
