Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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