fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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