I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
