the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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