YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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