In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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