My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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