whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
