I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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