1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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