did you get engaged???
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
