Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
