he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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