i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
