Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
