God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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