Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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