It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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