i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
