and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
