Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
