Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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