it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
