i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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