Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
