No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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