well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
