apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
