i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
