He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
someone owes me an orgasm
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
